Friday, March 14, 2014

Don't You Dare

Every life is important from beginning to end. From conception to death. Every second of every day. Every life is precious. Don't you dare try to tell me any different. There is no such thing as not important or insignificant. Have you ever thought people would be better off without you? STOP IT. That's not for you to decide.  If you have that thought than just focus on yourself for a while. Spend some time with people you know will change your mind or just spend some alone time.  Whatever it is you need to get out of that mindset.  Find that thing that pulls you back.  God, family, a best friend.  For me it's all three, but in that order.

You are special. You are unique. You may share similarities with other people but there is only one person that is you.

Doctor Suess really said it best:

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You."

Don't rob the world of that.

Your's In Writing

Monday, January 13, 2014

A Work Out

Shoveling, without a doubt, is quite the workout.  Especially at about 32 degrees.

It's rewarding too.  Physical labor.  Or at least the results of said labor.  I never really like mowing the lawn but I always love the way it looks when I'm all done.  Nor do I cherish shoveling.  But having a path where there wasn't one before is very satisfying.  Though, I do appreciate the "work out" aspect of it.  A big reason why so many people are out of shape is because we don't work for a living.  At least a lot of us don't.  Many jobs these days lend themselves to being inside doing one or two things that aren't all that psychically demanding.  There are exceptions but most people aren't out working on farms or cutting down trees for firewood or "hunting and gathering".

I need to actually work out.  I may very well get a gym membership or see about working out at the gym where I went to high school.  But waiting to do that is no excuse.  I can run outside if I dress right.  I can do pushups or whatever else in my room.  I can stretch anywhere.  And I can starting eating better anytime.

So why don't I?

May this will be something else I'll do differently in the new year.  After all, I've started a vlog, I'm working on video projects (even if they are from last year) and I've got a new lease on life.  This is a new year.  A new me.

I don't know who I'm changing into, this new me, but I'm looking forward to finding out.

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Bit of a story...

So, a day or two ago, while I was preparing for the day, I looked at a towel that I thought to be salmon colored and a story around said towel began to take shape. Just a bit of a story.  But still...  Now of course, I remember non of that story save for the originating detail of the salmon colored towel.  Let this, I pray, be an Illustration of how important it is to write down story ideas AS SOON AS you think of them.  No matter how ridiculous they are, it may very well amount to something.  And you can always decide later that you don't want them.  But it is the folly of any aspiring writer to postpone the writing down of an idea or worse yet, to not write it down at all.  In either case, the theory is that it is unique enough and therefor memorable enough to be recalled at a later date without the aid of paper and a writing utensil.

I don't know why I got all sophisticated there toward the end.  That was weird.  


Saturday, January 4, 2014

New Year's Musings


I'm sorry.  I really am.

I think a lot.  I do.  Maybe too much.  Or maybe not enough.

Events and holidays always get me going more so.

As we adjust into 2014 I think about the people I've met in the last year or so.  My friends.  Companions.  Acquaintances.  Mentors.  Co-workers.  Associates.  On and on the list goes.  Everyone that's been in my life to some extent or another.  And many of these categories overlap.  But how close am I really with the entire "friend" category?

Doctor Who puts it best. (Yes, I like "Doctor Who" and reference it often. Get over it.)
"Friends? Is that the right word for the people you acquire?"

I feel like that sometimes.  Like I just acquire people.  Nonsense of course.  But still.  It haunts me at times.  I wonder, Can I really call them all my friends?  I think that term gets a bit overused these days.  Perhaps the ones we call "close friends" are the actual friends.  "Close friend" specifies what type of friend.  This I realize.  Or "True friend."  But if someone isn't a "true" friend, are they really a friend at all?  Yes.  Again.  More haunting.  It's not that I'm criticizing their part in our relationship, but rather my own.  That I'm not putting in all I should.  And yet, it takes two.  But that doesn't mean they aren't my friends.

I imagine how a conversation may go if I was ever to vocalize this line of thinking with someone.

Friend: I'm sorry we didn't invite you to that thing.
Me: Eh, no worries.  And it's my fault anyway.
Friend: Oh?
Me: I haven't really been in touch with a lot of them.  And I don't honestly know everyone that well.
 They're my friends sure.  But that's a rather large category.  To be honest, I hardly interact with most of them.  Maybe I'm not as good of a friend as I should be.  Maybe if I was, they would have invited me.
Friend: I'm sure it's not you.  And again, I do feel bad.
Me: I'm sorry if I'm making you feel that way.  I meant that perhaps I don't have any business calling them that if we aren't very close.  And you.  I don't know you very well either.  I'm not saying I don't think of you as one.  But when you think of your friends, do I pop into your head?
Friend:  Well of course.
Me: Really? I mean don't get me wrong, I'm honored.  But would you ever hang out with me? Just the two of us?  I want to.  I really do.
Friend: There are different kinds of friends.
Me: I know.  And I'm a surface friends to a lot of people.  And I don't want to be that.  But...I'm just as guilty of doing it as anyone else.  So I can't really complain.

This post kind of got away from me.

My friend in this scenario would be right.  There are different kinds of friends.  They serve different purposes.  You have your hang out friends and close friends and your nerdy friends and hobby friends and your work friends.  And on and on the list goes.  And many of these overlap.

Look at your friends right now.  How many of them do you keep in touch with?  Are they all someone you'd like to spend an afternoon with?  Are you neglecting someone?  Are you crowding someone else?  Are you trying to be closer than they'd like?  Maybe they just want a talk on facebook friendship and not a hangout one.  Or maybe they like spending time with you but aren't big on corresponding.

But I still feel like I'm missing something.  And I probably always will.  After all, we can't keep in contact with everyone.  I admire those that make an effort.  I wish I was better at it.  I wish I was just the perfect friend.  I know I'm not.  But I really appreciate the ones that stick around and put up with my anyway.

I'm sorry if this got really heavy.

Happy New Year.

Your's In Writing




Sunday, November 17, 2013

Happy Hallow-- I mean Thanksgiving...almost...

Yikes, I did it again.  Also, I have been fairly busy.  Though that's really just an excuse.  I always have time to at least post a few sentences.  But time just gets away from me.

A lot has happened.

I've taken a few trips which I'll want to blog about soon.  I'm in a play.  The Christmas Carol.  It's NOT a musical version...ugh.  But it should still be fun.

I'm not feeling particularly philisophical today.  and I spelled "philosophical" wrong.

One of the trips I went to was a Christian Men's Conference.  I'll blog more about it later but I wanted to mention it to bring up that it's had me thinking on a few things and reflecting and whatnot.  I'm getting to dependent on what people think of me.  I feel like I care too much about other people's opinion of me and why they will or won't hang out with me or ask for my help or accept my comforting them.  I feel like I'm being too selfish and making it about me.  Like i'm putting the focus on people and status instead of on God.  But then, didn't God make me to care about others?  I'm not always great at it but didn't God give me the ability to have empathy for others, to care about others?  And doesn't that include what other people think?  I also have this desire to resolve conflict.  That's gotta be from God.  And i feel that people thinking ill of me or thinking i'm annoying or whatever my self conscious...self...thinks up is a conflict in a way and I want to solve it.  But I might be applying this desire of mine that God gave me in the wrong way.  Am I being selfish with a Gift?  I don't know.  But I want to be there for others and help people and I know SO MANY people really do like me a lot.  I know this.  But for some reason I get tripped up.  I read into things.  I wonder what people are thinking.  Maybe God will help me to hone that in time.  To understand how that works and to use it to Glorify Him and not me.

Goodnight.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Heartbreak

Heartbreak.

Not "high school crush" heartbreak, or "you made a comment and I took it the wrong way" heartbreak but true, deep, soul wracking heart break.

When you let yourself go.  When you completely trust someone.  When you let someone in.  And then they get ripped away from you.

Not necessarily in a romantic way either.  Though that hurts too.  But it's not the kind of love it is.  It's just love in general.  In this case, it's family love.  I don't have any siblings, but once in a while, friends will take that role.

Most recently, someone came into my life I am able to call "sister".  I let myself go completely.  And now, we may not be allowed to see each other for a while.  And my heart hurts.

At the end of the day, I have God.  But that doesn't mean I'm not going to hurt, just that He will help me through it.  And I pray that I can see my "sister" again soon!

Monday, September 2, 2013

A Fairy Tale

I started watching Once Upon A Time a while back, but ran out of episodes on Netflix.  Just recently they added the second season.  So I watched the first two episodes.  That's probably part of the cause for my insomnia.

Another favorite show of mine is Warehouse 13.  I'm sad their ending it.  But the concept, if you aren't familiar with it, is that there are these objects called artifacts that have powers imbued into them.  Some thing that someone had while they went through some emotional ordeal and all that emotion is poured into that object.  As a result, the object is able to do something having to do with the emotion. It is given a power or an ability.

In both cases, as well as many others, power is tied to emotion.  This is true in the real world as well.  In the first instance, we have a different kind of power.  We can speak well in front of large groups or make a beautiful painting, or build a house, or write a story.  They go on and on.  A mixture of talents (natural abilities) and skills (abilities we acquire).  But the things that we can do, especially our natural abilities, are very much tied to our emotions.

And also with the second instance, we create emotional ties to things.  Sentimentality.  Things hold memories.   Bonds.

I have an object.  I won't say what it is.  But I will say that signifies a pivotal moment in my life.  The end of an era.   And it also serves as a foundation what the next era that came out of that.  This object is everything that was and will be and could have been.  It is the essence of the particular situation I'm referring to that I'm being overly vague about.

The point is, it's almost as if this object is an artifact.  I wouldn't think so but something happened a while back when I interacted with the object for the first time since the instance.  And then again the second time which was a large space in between.  After it first happened a waited awhile before trying to interact with it again.  But it did it again.  I began to feel different.  My body tingled.  I let go as soon as I could bring myself to (like when you're being electrocuted and it hurts but you can't let go.  When I was no longer touching the object, the feeling stopped.  Was it an artifact?  Was it just my imagination? The mind IS a powerful thing.  And memories are connected to sights and smells and sensations.  Maybe it was just me feeling the object that was bringing back memories of how I used to feel?  But that was a different feeling than this one.  I couldn't explain it.  Can't explain it.  Just imagine.  And wonder.

There was a third time, It didn't feel the same.  I had told a couple people.  And after this, the feeling didn't come.  But I did start to act only slightly different.  Maybe it didn't effect me because I'm stronger.  Or maybe It was because I'm not strong enough.  Maybe it effected me more than i realize, and that the tingling was me fighting back.  And now there's no fight?  It was definitely after I told two people how I felt about it though.  One was involved in the situation and the other had observed it and was there for me and I knew would relate.

I could go on and on but I won't because the desire for sleep is beginning to crawl back into where it should be.  So I'll leave with this.  I think our brains, are capable of WAY more than we even acknowledge.  And maybe sounds and sights and smells and memories can change us.  Maybe not with special powers but in a way, we a power from within us.

There's more I want to say but sleep has found me.  Goodnight.

Your's In Writing